Back to my Roots

In July 2012, I wrote this post about changing my role in raids. Looking back, I'm glad I made the decision I did.

I was a main tank for my guild all through Mists of Pandaria. It was fun, challenging and I accomplished a lot. I tanked challenge modes and got the gear to prove it. I made the calls for the Stone Guard in Mogu'Shan Vaults. I tanked Rik'kal. I kited the meteor into Heroic Garrosh. I loved tanking with my boyfriend and I'll never forget that experience.

A few weeks after killing Heroic Garrosh, I took a break from raiding entirely. Close to 600 attempts on a boss really takes a toll on your mental state. I was sick of my guild and I hated the game. Eventually I came back, got my scorpion mount on one of the last kills we ever did and kept playing.

I wish I could say I was still tanking for my guild, but a number of factors caused me to make another role change. *

First, I changed classes at the beginning of Warlords. I chose to level my paladin tank, and leave my druid behind. I was tired of not seeing my transmog, or toy effects and I wanted to try something new.

It went well. I tanked Highmaul and Mythic BRF with a warrior and another paladin tank. I don't feel as comfortable with my paladin. It's not easy to explain because druid tanking came naturally, while paladin tanking is work. Paladin tanking for me is constant vigilance. If I slip up, I die. If I use a cooldown at the wrong time, I take more damage than I should. If I'm tired? Forget it. I could tank on my druid with one hand. With my paladin, my hand is gripped so tight on my mouse that I have physical pain in my thumb after a night of progression.

It may sound like I don't enjoy paladin tanking - I do! But the style is very different from my druid and I don't think it suits me.

Second, there were things I started to notice after a while that started small but chipped away at me. My suggestions or observations were often ignored on voice chat but then repeated by another and considered. My statements were interpreted as questions. If I mentioned a mechanic, people would jump to explain it to me. The tanks were continually asked to pull faster, to move the raid along through easy pulls for a faster night. I tried, for a while. When I told the raid I was pulling trash, I was met with silence. When the other tanks announced it, people answered. So I stopped talking. If I had a suggestion, I asked others to relay it. I stopped trying to lead.

It's puzzling, and frustrating how someone else can slip into your role so easily. I felt like I had to claw and scrape my way in, to prove to myself and everyone else that I was good enough. I'm still terrified of screwing up somehow, and when I first started tanking it was like having a giant weight above me. I do think I'm a good tank, and I do think I'm capable but I'm tired of being talked over, or ignored. I'm tired of feeling small.

A miserable part of me thinks that maybe people just don't care to hear me on voice chat. Or that they tuned me out. Sure, sometimes I can be loud but in my role as a main tank, I need to be heard. Another part of me thinks that the loss of the other lady tank hurt more than I thought.

I started dreading logging on to tank and I hated feeling that way. I was constantly reminding myself that it's just a few hours and then the raid will be over. I volunteered to sit more often, or I asked to DPS - though, admittedly I'm not very good at it.

I feel like I let myself down and I hate it. I feel like I should keep tanking to prove a point, but I don't need to prove myself to anyone but me. I need to play the game for me, again.

To bring this all around, I stopped tanking for my mythic group as of February this year. Instead, I swapped back to my druid to heal. Before I did this, I was healing on my druid with another guild on off nights and it was easily the most fun I have had all expansion. Partly due to the atmosphere (more laid back, but still gets the job done) and the role I play. Healing (like druid tanking) is a natural thing for me. It's comfortable, it's easy and it's familiar. I follow the tanks and the raid and I keep them alive.

Things got very stressful and I was going into raids upset and continuing to be upset for the night. We lost people I care very much about to new guilds and real life. The atmosphere became hostile (as it does when content becomes stale and progression isn't happening fast). In addition to some poor communication about raid plans and goals that exacerbated my feelings, I decided that raiding for three hours until midnight EST for three nights a week was no longer for me. As of May 2015 I ceased all mythic raiding with Apotheosis.

This brings us to right now where I'm healing full-time for Business Time on Moonrunner doing heroic modes. Admittedly, I already miss mythic raiding but taking it easy on heroic isn't a bad thing for me. Now we're starting Hellfire Citadel and the first foray into the new content was an absolute blast. I'm really enjoying the encounters we've seen so far (I actually squealed out loud when Kromok pulls the weird creeping ooze from the different coloured pools).

I'm going to play Warcraft a little more casually and it feels weird to say. I don't think I've ever been casual about WoW until this year. I'm looking forward to maybe just fooling around and seeing the world again and playing on my own time.

* If you're interested, I was a guest on TankCast and spoke with other women regarding tanking in WoD! http://www.theincbear.com/podcastgen/?name=2015-06-27_tankcast20.mp3

Paragone to Hell in a Handbasket - Tanking Heroic Paragons

Congratulations on making it this far in Heroic Siege of Orgrimmar! While many of the fights have had more damage or different mechanics added, Heroic Paragons of the Klaxxi is on a whole new level. With the Klaxxi, any normal mode mechanics that didn't matter REALLY MATTER now. Those parasite casts you didn't notice? Hell, you better notice them now. Aim? Really hurts. Rapid Fire? Also bad. Korven? You better tank swap if you weren't before! The list goes on.

When my raid group was looking for tips on how to kill this boss, we couldn't find a lot of information. There was very little out there and of what we found, 1/4 of it was tank related. We ended up having to trial and error our way through much of the encounter (as tanks). It's my goal here to provide that missing link for future tanks who end up tanking this encounter. I'll provide links at the bottom to the various strats we attempted as we used more than one (and there is certainly more than one way to kill this boss). This post assumes you've already killed normal paragons, and if you're looking for a guide check out my previous post!

Let's get started!

To Live and Die in LA - Sara's First Blizzcon

To be honest, my brain is sort of a blur about what specifically happened at Blizzcon!  This post will mainly be about who I met (the most important and best part of the con) and then some game impressions.

Your Power Word: What?! bloggers ready to fly!

What is nice to know is that relationships in life aren't different on the game or twitter - those ARE our relationships.  I am going to try and restrain myself from going into detail about the anticipation, excitement, and happiness I felt meeting someone I've sort of fallen for over the last few months, but I will say that meeting everyone was really just awesome.  I certainly won't be able to list everyone here, I seriously met like 9847509 people (and I didn't even get a chance to see everyone I wanted to see.)

Meeting the guild was of course totally great.  Many of us have hung out before (Toronto, and visitors to Toronto) but meeting Sheepeater, Srs, Jack, Shawnelle, Sturm, Kristin, and the rest was great! We were pretty much just like we are in game - tease Sara mercilessly and party hard!  I actually felt really proud seeing us all in the shirts that Kal and Chronis made for us.  It was awesome to have a crew there to watch panels with and sit around with and joke with.  It was nice to be able to relax and not worry about guild stuff or officer stuff or raiding.

Our extremely good looking guild.

The sensation of normalcy was really vivid for me -I think I've talked to some people about how I really like day to day minutiae, routines, and the like.  There was a moment where I was in my hotel room with Sheepeater and Grumdy getting ready to go to a panel or something, and they were just sitting around talking about games and I was standing in front of the mirror putting on make up and chatting with them and it just felt so NORMAL, it really made me smile.

Me and Mr. Jack Lalanne

Meeting almost all of the <Something Wicked> attendees was also a highlight - I have spent a lot of time in game with these folks, in mumble, on twitter, etc. I talk to Esoth just about every day, and he has become one of my very best friends so meeting up (finally, it feels like!) was great - we were the dorks we always are.  He even brought me home brewed mead!

Meeting some EJ folks like Dysmorphia, my swole sister, seeing Hamlet and Perculia again (every moment away from them is hell, have I mentioned that? they are best kind) and other Twitter folks like Kerriodos and Theck, my bun brother, and Antigen and Rhidach and Tass was just so great - putting a face to the names, it was just wonderful to feel like totally not out of place, and nothing was different.  It was time to talk about bunnies and tanking and games and all manner of thing - just like it always is.  BUT getting to hug people like Arielle (and a few other Inc Bears) was obviously better than a retweet!  Freaking out when I spied Vidyala and Voss at the Hilton, squeeing at Jen and Baj at the CTR party (regret not yelling GET SHIT ON though), being too shy to say hi to Absallom and Ataxus (my achievement point idol!), comparing ink with Hestiah, it was all really really good.

@Warcraftjen!

Blizzcon was really a great social setting - I actually didn't feel overwhelmed by having to socialize and meet a million people, I LIKED it!  No one asked me about being sick or unemployed, they asked for a hug and put out a hand and exchanged drinks and wanted to talk about games.  I also feel like I had a nice balance between time spent socializing at large, with my guildies, with my boyfriend, at panels, and at parties.  Although I certainly paid for it - I have never been this tired in my life, I feel like I've been at a rugby tourney, not a gaming convention!

Arielle, myself, and Hamlet - I think this is my favourite picture!
Photo credit to @kristin

So speaking of GAMES, I'm also excited to post about my impressions of the gaming news and events at Blizzcon 2013.

What can I say about Warlords of Draenor?  All my toons are goats.  I'm excited about Black-Temple-Goat-Town.  I'm excited about Draenei NPCs and maybe even some storylines.  I'm excited that I'll maybe get to hang out with Korgath Bladefist and Ner'zhul.  The setting totally does it for me, even though I'm a total lore noob.  I did the Horde starting area and loved it - I can't wait for Beta so I can do a "Sara and her Beta friends" series like I did with MOP - I already met a Frostboar and oh man was he a qtpi.  Really looking forward to exploring vast zones and the new character models!  I would love if Serrinne could narrow her eyes snarkily even more than she does now.

The addition of tertiary stats (and removal of hit/exp/dodge) is interesting for sure - as a healer I never really had this issue so to me, this is just an entire mega bonus (although I suspect we will be seeing changes with Spirit soon.)  I have been dying for run speed in WoW ever since I started playing D3.  I am so thrilled this is being added to the game - I want to be the fastest goat in the west!  I  have always said that sprints/engineering boots/etc are always a raid saver and better than any few points of any other stat you can grab.  So basically this was my idea, right guys?  I am excited to figure out this new system, especially since I think it will make healing (more) exciting.

Thoughts on Mythic raiding?  I think it will shake out just fine - and that's my rational side talking.  I love raiding with as many specs as possible (which is why I raid 25 instead of 10 at the moment) so obviously that'll be sad losing some spots, but all in all I think it won't be bad.  Obviously so little info out at the moment about administration and logistics, so I'll just leave it at my initial impression.

The quality of life changes (like heirloom page!) and Garrisons will obviously be something I love when they go live (I was someone who liked dailies, so Garrison maintenance excites me.)  The "Trial of the Gladiator" arena change absolutely thrilled me - I will get to arena on alts! This is so incredible, and (yes, I know this is horrible) will allow me to play the flavour of the month comps for pvp.  This rocks!

As for the level 100 Priest talents, I think they probably won't go live as they are (at least the healy bits.)

Divine Clarity is akin to the original iteration of Spirit Shell, although I'd be hard pressed to see why I should take this and use it when I already have Power Word: Shield - I suppose we'll have to see how the cost comparisons shake out on live.  This talent seems super sexy for Holy priests - when was the last time you cast Greater Heal, seriously.  The shadow version of this seems odd since we're getting a Cleave stat - I would take this talent if I wasn't that into multidotting (and without snapshots, this might be a good choice.)

Power of the Void seems incredibly fun (to me, at least - I <3 void shift!) but it completely devalues your stat choices since it's based on health percentages.  In my head, I read that talent and thought COULD I STACK STAM AND VOID SHIFT ALL DAY ERR DAY?  Let's hope not - that is just silly.  Shadow version is another dot - unsure about how this would compete with DP as an orb spender, but nice to have an alternative I suppose.

Spiritual Guidance is a very interesting mechanic in terms of introducing a penalty as part of the spell - it is reminiscent of the mana cost increase per arcane blast for mages.  This will be a fun balancing act for figuring out how often you can cast this without crippling your other heals.  Only complaint is that, again, it totally devalues your stat choices since it's based on % max HP.  Shadow version seems awesome, especially since we can bank 5 orbs now (WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)

And now onto something I may even be more excited for than the WoW expansion:

DIABLO 3 IS GOING TO BE AMAZING SOON!  And that's coming from someone who has played dilligently since release.  Loot 2.0 and the Crusader (both of which I experienced at Blizzcon) are going to be awesome.  Crusader is super shiny and looks great, with some awesome animations.  The new act is totally fantastic, especially if you liked A1 - similar atmosphere with + ghosties.  I also got to try Adventure Mode and I did the "endless" thing where you just kill monsters until you spawn a rift boss guy - exactly what I love about Diablo.  Farmy farm farm time!  I also got to watch Mike play it on PS4 for a bit, which looked absolutely beautiful at that resolution.  Pretty excited for him - he is salivating over that version already.

Overall Blizzcon was an absolutely perfect weeekend, I'm looking forward to many more in my future!

I'll end this off with some thank yous: Kal and Chronis, I wouldn't have been at Blizzcon without you.  Thanks for bearing with my travel woes - I'm not a good traveler!  Thanks to Perculia for all her hard work on the Wowhead Blizzcon coverage - without her I wouldn't have known what I had missed!  Thanks also to Hamlet for organizing a lovely dinner, and for some downtime chats.  And thanks of course to Mike for everything.

Mists of Pandaria Pre-Raid Gear for Guardian Druids

As we're all getting ready for Mists, the question circles around "Who's making a gear list for <insert class>?" I decided to post my own pre-raid gear list by slot that I wrote up for personal use and maybe it'll help give some of you an idea of where you want to start!

Quick note: Most of the rep gear is listed first. This is because the ilevel of the available rep gear is 489, and therefore has more stats allocated to it. Heroic gear from dungeons comes in a close second. Don't stress out if you can't get all the rep gear right away; there are great heroic dungeon options!

Helm:
Red Smoke Bandana Hit and Mastery - meta and blue socket + 180 agility - Klaxxi
Windblast Helm Haste and Mastery - meta gem/red socket + 180 agility - Siege of Niuzao Temple
Soulburner Crown Hit and Crit - meta and yellow socket + 180 agility - Scholomance

Neck:
Delicate Necklace of the Golden Lotus Crit and Mastery (Quest Reward)
Choker of the Klaxxi'va Hit and Crit - Klaxxi
Engraved Amber Pendant Crit and Haste - Siege of Niuzao Temple
Scorched Scarlet Key Hit and Exp - Scarlet Halls

Shoulders:
Imperion Spaulders  Hit and Crit - yellow socket + 60 agility - Golden Lotus
Fizzy Spaulders Crit and Haste - red socket +60 haste - Stormstout Brewery
Doubtridden Shoulderguards Hit and Exp - red socket + 60 exp - Temple of the Jade Serpent

Chest:
Softfoot Silent Wrap Hit and Exp - Two sockets (Y/B) + 120 agility - Golden Lotus
Greyshadow Chestguard - Crit and Mastery - Two sockets (Y/Y) + 120 agility - Leatherworking
Korloff's Raiment Hit and Crit - yellow socket + 60 agility - Scarlet Monastery

Cloak:
Blackguard Cape Hit and Mastery - Shado-Pan
Windsoaked Drape Crit and Mastery - Temple of the Jade Serpent
Aerial Bombardment Cloak  Hit and Crit - Siege of Niuzao Temple

Bracers:
Quillpaw Family Bracers Hit and Crit - The August Celestials
Lightblade Bracer - Crit and Mastery - Scarlet Halls

Hands:
Fingers of the Lonliest Monk Exp and Haste - The August Celestials
Greyshadow Gloves - Crit and Mastery - red socket + 60 crit - Leatherworking 
Hound Trainer's Gloves Exp and Mastery - Scarlet Halls

Belt:
Klaxxi Lash of the Burrower Crit and Mastery - blue socket + 60 crit - Klaxxi
Icewraith Belt Crit and Mastery - Scholomance

Legs:
Dreadsworn Slayer Legs Crit and Mastery - red socket + 60 agility - Klaxxi
Wall-Breaker Legguards Exp and Mastery - red socket + 60 mastery - Gate of the Setting Sun

Feet:
Tukka Tuk's Hairy Boots Hit and Haste - The August Celestials
Dashing Strike Treads Crit and Mastery - yellow socket + 60 agility - Scarlet Monastery

Rings:
Seal of Ghoulish Glee Hit and Crit - World Event (Hallow's End)
Pulled Grenade Pin Crit and Mastery - Gate of the Setting Sun
Signet of Dancing Jade Crit and Exp - Temple of the Jade Serpent

Trinkets:
Lao-Chin's Liquid Courage Static stam + mastery on use - Shado-Pan
Relic of Niuzao Static stam + dodge on use - Darkmoon Ox Deck
Relic of Xuen Static agi + agi proc - Darkmoon Tiger Deck
Brawler's Statue Static dodge + dodge on use - World Event (Brewfest)
Heart of Fire Static mastery + dodge on use- Shado-Pan Monastery
Iron Protector Talisman Static stam + dodge proc - Mogu'shan Palace

Many viable trinkets here, so it depends on your playstyle! (Or the encounters you will be coming up against.)

Weapons:
Inscribed Tiger Staff Crit and Mastery - Inscription
Snowdrift's Bladed Staff Exp and Mastery - Shado-Pan Monastery
Firestorm Greatstaff Crit and Haste - Scarlet Monastery
Amber Spear of Klaxxi'vess Hit and Haste - Klaxxi
Spear of Xuen Crit and Mastery - Archaeology
Ghostheart Crit and Haste - Mogu'Shan Vaults

Lulls and Changes

Expansion transitions are interesting times. People start to review what they need to finish before they have to worry about leveling again; old achievements, battleground goals, profession material farming and more. So a few posts have been circling about that are listing what folks are trying to finish up before the Mists of Pandaria comes to Azeroth.

Profession Work

With my main swapping from priest to guardian, I had to look at what I needed to get Kalbeari raid ready (aside from leveling her to 90). Currently, I have Leatherworking and Skinning but have gathered all of the mats needed to level Jewelcrafting once Mists hits and I've leveled Leatherworking.

The problem with this set up is that I've recently found out that Alchemy will blow JC out of the water for my choice of second crafting profession. Currently, the Guardian druid mastery is scaling things like armour elixirs and potions, (GC confirmed that it is intended) and with the Alchemist perk Mixology, it's clear that I'll have to farm mats for yet another profession.

The plan is to level in Mists with LW and Skinning, then drop Skinning and powerlevel my second profession - Alchemy.

Filling Time

There are things that Kaleri has that I would like Kalbeari to have, so I've been leveling my cooking and fishing so that she'll be self-sufficient. I picked up a Dalaran ring, and a guild cloak for easy transportation back and forth.

I've been doing mount runs every Tuesday with Serrine and Serrath two guildmates of mine, and so far we have: an Ashes of A'lar (mine), a Blue Drake from Malygos (Serrinne) and an Azure Drake from Malygos (to Serrath). Not bad for about a month's work!

Caw! Caw!

Raising some gold is a priority, too. I've never been super rich in WoW and with the introduction of some big gold sinks (Grand Expedition Yak, new JC mounts, Black Market Auction House) I'd like to have some extra gold.

I've tanked an LFR on the Beta, watched a bunch of livestreams and videos, recorded my loot list and have generally been itching for new content. I want to make sure I'm as prepared as possible!

Blog News

With main-swapping comes the consideration of what this blog will be once Mists rolls out. I originally intended to write about priests and raiding but I feel that once I am no longer playing my priest I won't carry the same authority that I did in Cataclysm.

I've asked my friend Sara (@SerrinneWoW) if she would be interested in writing some posts come Mists of Pandaria for priest related info, so expect to see some posts written by her in the future. (Plus that means I can keep part of the blog name the same - bonus!)

I'll still be here, but you can expect some more tank-centric and druid related articles from me in the future.

The url of this blog may be changing, not sure to what yet - have to pick a good name! If you notice some funky things happening with the layout and background don't worry, it's just me futzing around with some changes for Mists.

What are you doing to prepare for Mists? Are you taking some time off between expansions? What are you up to in the meantime?

A Crisis of Identity

Flying through the Vale

Preparing for an expansion is no small task. There are mats to farm for leveling professions or making gold, there's massive amounts of guild organization and there are decisions to be made about characters and roles you want to play. If you read Kurn's Corner, you'll know that there are steps to take when preparing a guild for a new expansion, and having guild members decide what role they'd like to play in the future is one of those steps.

I had to decide; healing priest or bear tank?

Ultimately, I chose to play my bear in the upcoming expansion. I've been having a bit of an identity crisis with my priest lately, and the more I play on my druid, the more I enjoy the game. I love my priest, I even wrote a post about how much I love her, but we've had a disconnect somewhere down the line.

Knight-Captain Kaleri on her Vicious War Steed

I am a good healer. Hell, I'd venture to say that I am a great healer but it just doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel like a challenge. I think that part of the reason for this is the race change of Kaleri from draenei to human back before Firelands, and the other part are the nerfs in Dragon Soul. She's still my priest, but she's not Kal. This fierce little human with a penchant for PVP and Hardmode bosses isn't the draenei I rolled back on Bronzebeard, clumsily fighting through Karazhan, applying to guilds through the mail system, and tailoring her own clothes.

SUPERBEAR

Taila (or Kalbeari, now) has been a steady rock since Karazhan. She's mangled and swiped her way to victory over Malchezzar, Kael'Thas and Vashj. She held the lines while Illidan was vanquished, used the Tears of the Goddess to thwart Archimonde and stood in awe of the Sunwell. Together we've been the shield for the healers and the damage dealers through many battles, and that will be our role in Pandaria.

I leveled Kalbeari to 90 on the beta, and started goofing around in heroics with my friend Sara, a healing priest. Watching Cascade bounce around, or seeing Spirit Shell makes me a little regretful, but as soon as I hit that Incarnation button and become SUPERBEAR, those feelings go away. I watch the boss previews from MMO-Champion and I think, "I get to tank those. My raid will need me to be at the top of my game to survive and take the hits.". It's exciting and scary but I know it will be the challenge I need.


Does the class make the person?

My priest was my safe haven for some time. I created her just before University began, and played her while my struggle with Crohn's Disease was at it's height. I accomplished a lot with her, and many memories are recorded in her achievements and Feats of Strength. I was Kaleri.

My druid was created before my priest but the guild I had joined needed a priest healer (I was later asked not to heal, but to instead play as shadow). Kalbeari was always there when I needed a break from priesting, and I always thought of those two characters as friends of a sort.

Kaleri with the DS raid achievement mount

When I play Kaleri, I am a healer. I support my teammates, I take care of them and they keep Horde and enemies away from me. It's not my fault if someone dies to a loose add, but it is my prerogative to heal the tanks, so they can catch those adds. Healing can be a thankless job, especially when you do it so well no one will know what you had to do to pull it off.

Take Heroic Spine as an example. My job is to heal the tanks and watch the dispels. It's not a particularly hard job to dispel, but if you screw it up the entire raid knows it was your fault. However, if you do it perfectly the raid never has to know that there is a dispel mechanic and you take away that problem for everyone. You rarely get thanks, but there's a certain satisfaction when you can do it that well.

But when I play Kalbeari, I change a little. I have to be a little harder, take more control and be ready to help the raid as I can. Meaning anything from tanking more adds if someone goes down, using cooldowns like FR to the raid's benefit, to battle-rezzing someone or doing as much DPS as possible while I'm tanking. There is so much a bear tank can do right now to help out, it's insane.

Will a new role change me?

I think it will, a little. I feel like I've changed and grown as a person since I first created my characters. I've always been in awe of excellent tanks, and it never ceases to amaze me how a good tank can make or break a dungeon or raid run. I will have to take charge more than I do now, and speak up with more authority if I have to call something tank-related.

I'm afraid that I will feel a little helpless at times, not being able to heal but my priorities will shift from watching the raids HP to keeping an eye on my own. I used to get really antsy watching other healers while tanking but I've started to learn to let it go. How can I be a good tank when I die because I'm too busy watching the raid frames and I miss my cooldown? That can't happen and I'll have to place my trust in the healers, just like our current tanks trust me.

WoW needs more tanks, in particular it needs more tanks who are women. I'm proud to have the ability to switch to my druid and fill those roles.

Mists of Pandaria is approaching and it's nearly time for Kaleri to take a break from fighting monsters and the Horde, and fish by the gates of Stormwind for a time. The world has changed, and so have we.

Two's Company: Raiding as a Pair

Roses among thorny skeletons.

There were quite a few posts circulating a while back on WoW couples and how to 'deal' with them. I had mixed feelings because I am part of a WoW couple - I met my boyfriend through this game and we have almost always raided together. Some of these posts were negative in tone, while others were positive and even discussed the types of people you might see.

Matticus wrote a post about WoW couples called "Handling Raiding Couples" which came across as extremely negative. 

At the end, Matticus goes on to say that,

"After a while, [he] realized then that some couples just aren’t worth having around especially not with such an overprotective attitude like that. GMs need to be able to deliver that honest feedback without a vulture jumping in and protecting every chance they get." (Emphasis mine) 

I get that perspective and I'd like to note quickly that it isn't just dating or married couples who are overprotective either. Pairs of friends will do this as well. But I was disappointed in the tone of the article at the beginning. There are mostly negative references to couples (I would hate to be referred to as a vulture) and a quick mention of 'mellow couples' in his guild at the time. I was angry, and then a new series came out on another blog.

Sheep the Diamond wrote a five (FIVE) part series on "Couples and WoW"

1. Part 1
2. Part 2
3. Part 3 
4. Part 4 "The Finalé"
5. Part 5 "Surprise Feedback Follow-up"

I really enjoyed this series. I thought it came across as informative and welcomed discussion from many folks in the comments. Stubborn talks about different animal pairings and how you might be able to apply them to couples in your guild.

I'd like to think that Chronis and I are "Penguins":

Penguins are really easy to deal with.  Penguins by nature don’t mind being separated in their tasks, so the best way to approach penguins is honestly and directly.  If you’ve only got one spot, just tell them that; don’t come up with excuses or stories to alleviate your guilt; they don’t mind parting for a few hours.

Then I found a post on the official WoW forums titled "Catering to Couples and Groups". Which is basically from someone who has had a hard time with couples or package deals and needed advice. Some people say that you have to treat everyone as a separate entity and others simply say that it isn't worth it.

This post "My perspective" by Askevar over on You Yank It, You Tank It is a good read and sounds very similar to my own experiences in WoW while playing as part of a pair.

All of these posts got me thinking; Am I part of that stereotypical feared/hated WoW raiding couple? Do I defend my partner if someone critiques him? Does he do the same for me?

But You Don't Look Sick!

(A couple of recent posts by Beru over at Falling Leaves and Wings have got me thinking. She's been kind enough (and strong enough) to share her journey through multiple doctors and tests to figure out what is going on with her hands. I've felt a special connection to those posts because of my experiences with my own tests and doctors and they inspired this idea.)

My Windrider keeping busy in the hospital.

I've seen a few forum posts about playing World of Warcraft with a disability - whether that be a learning disability or a physical one - and how you may not know who is in your random group. I read a post on the official WoW forum in which the poster described how he was being teased in a random five man for "letting the group die" and how he wished people playing WoW would stop for a second and think about the person on the other side of the keyboard. You have no idea if the person on the other side of that keyboard is a war vet, or someone who can't type properly back to you, or if the person has a phobia and just can't interact.

These posts, along with Beru's continued look at her challenges, made me think about myself and finally write this post that's been in my head for a long, long time.

It's All About Me

I have what is known as Crohn's Disease. It's an inflammatory bowel disease (it is NOT Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and if you were to look at me, you'd never know I had it. On my off days, any problems I have usually occur in the mornings, and I can go about my day like normal. However, the usual problems – the problems people around you notice the most - with Crohn's are increased visits to the washroom. It's hard to gauge how your day is going to be and sometimes no matter how good you feel, you end up doing the washroom shuffle between various activities because your guts just won’t cooperate with your mind. Or you're stuck in the bathroom for an hour or more because if you get up, you're just right back where you started anyway. 

I may be one of the few students who knows where every bathroom is on campus. I can make a mad dash from one class, to a washroom, and to my next class like a champion. I also know a few places I can stop on the way to and from the university while I'm driving.

Crohn's Disease can make you extremely tired. I used to get three-hour infusions every month, and I'd come home and sleep until the next morning. Since I don't absorb nutrients properly, I get tired faster in between meals, so I have to eat multiple smaller meals rather than three big ones. My energy levels tend to spike directly in relation to when I've eaten and how much sleep I've had. I nap at school in between classes because in the past I've fallen asleep during lectures.

Stress triggers my disease, and therefore it's very hard for me to work and go to school. I can't take a full course load, either. Five final exams and projects and all that work makes my heart beat faster just thinking about it. I used to get very, very sick around final exam time and I've missed exams and even had to medically excuse myself from two semesters so far - though I did get credit for four courses in one of those terms.

And of course, there can be a lot of pain. Right now I'm in a stage of recovery from surgery so I'm not experiencing much pain at all. Before the surgery, there was a spot in my stomach where I later found out was a near blockage of the small intestine. That particular spot was very painful, especially after meals, so much so that I'd have to sit, or lie down and do nothing for a few hours. With the pain came a lot of vomiting, since it was a blockage, and when you feel sick you don't want to eat, and when you don't eat you get tired. Lovely cycle there.

A chronic illness is an interesting thing. One day you can be fine, the next you're not - but your appearance (usually) doesn't change. It's not like Chicken Pox, or a broken arm, where you can see the effects of the illness or problem. Chronic illnesses tend to be 'invisible', and the person with it has to deal with it for months, years or even the rest of their lives - there's no cure for many of these (like Crohn's). 

So how does all that fit into World of Warcraft anyway?

While I was writing this, I came across a really wonderful post by Wugan over at Resto Shaman Flow called "WoW as a Refuge". In it he talks about CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and how he had to cut back on work because of it. Any physical activity is draining, and he had to slow down doing what he usually did everyday (like mowing the lawn, or even going out with friends). Then he describes how WoW has fit into his life with CFS. 

WoW, according to Wugan, is a way to:

...keep my mind active, to experience a sense of accomplishment, to work together with other people to complete difficult tasks, and to relax and take my mind off my symptoms.  Although my body is tired and my mind can’t concentrate like it used to, I still need to feel challenged and engaged in something, and WoW provides that.

Another blogger I've followed who is very open about her health is Ophelie, author of The Bossy Pally. She occasionally talks about how she has Multiple Sclerosis and how WoW has fit into her life with it. She mentioned once that, "It’s no secret that escapism, and MMOs in particular, is used by many to cope with the limitations life has thrown at them." She even talked candidly about how one of the therapists at her school sent her home "with a prescription of emergency WoW time." Her post Finding that Balance is a great read just like Wugan's post, linked above.

But Back to ME

I found Wugan and Ophelie’s stories to be incredible likenesses to what I experience when I play this game. I related to Ophelie's quote on escapism because when my disease is in a flare, and I can't physically do anything or I just don't have the energy, I stay home. To keep myself from going crazy or feeling too sorry for myself, I'll log on to WoW and farm herbs, or run a few dungeons or level an alt.

This summer I had a long wait between the "You Need Surgery" appointment and the "Here's Your Surgery Date" appointment. Since I didn't want to pick up a job only to tell them that I'd need a month or so off for surgery and recovery, I stayed home and putzed around my house and my neighbourhood. There was a lot of time to kill this summer, and World of Warcraft was where I spent a lot of time. My in-game friends were right there, and I didn't have to go to the trouble of telling them that I couldn't make it because I was too tired to drive out, or that I was feeling really down and didn't want to go anywhere.

Crohn's can be pretty frustrating at times. Earlier I talked about how sometimes you do the washroom shuffle, and WoW is no exception to that concept. It's extremely annoying when I queue as a tank and there's that "Oh shit!" moment (no pun intended) where I have to cancel my insanely fast queue and run away from the computer. I feel a lot of pressure on my tank character to NEVER GO AFK during a heroic. Especially the troll heroics. People are really, really set on having very fast runs - I can't blame them, I hate the troll heroics - and the tank going afk is a no-no. Luckily, I've not been kicked on that character yet or had to go afk during those runs much.

However, going afk between pulls does happen. Once, I even ran afk during a tank n' spank in HoO (it was near the end, so I felt okay about leaving) and continued the run once I got back. I feel really safe when I play a DPS character and have to go afk, since my presence isn't required to move the run forward. I'll also go afk during a DPS queue. Sometimes I miss the queue pop, sometimes I catch it right on time, but it generally gives me plenty of time if I need to go afk - one of the unsung benefits of the ridiculously long DPS queues.

AFK'ing between pulls even happens in raids - usually only trash pulls - but sometimes between boss pulls and this is where it can get tricky. I'm fortunate that I raid with my boyfriend about two feet away from me, so he can run my ghost back to the instance and eat the feast and buff the raid for me. Sometimes he's not around because of work travel, and I'll run myself back really fast, click the feast and book it like a bat out of hell up my stairs to the washroom and back. (Sometimes I'm even ready before other people!)

Hell, I had surgery this summer and had to break from the game for a week or so, but when I got back I used sitting up in a chair as a way to help heal. Walking was a challenge, stairs were really tough, but sitting in a computer chair (while still very tiring) was a great way to speed up recovery.

But You (still) Don't Look Sick

The general statement that I hear a lot, "But you don't look sick!" really applies to the World of Warcraft.  People who play WoW can't see you, and typing doesn't convey the emotion or tone that voice communication could. Unless you were part of my family, and saw me everyday you wouldn't know how stressed I get, you wouldn't know that I lose hair, weight, sleep and occasionally my mind.

If I'm having an off-day where I'm not feeling so great, I'd like to think that my guildmates can't really tell, but I know a few of the people I talk to on a regular basis have started picking up when I don't feel well. Crohn's generally doesn't affect my raiding performance (or, at least I don't think it does) but it does affect my attitude at times: I get frustrated easier, I'm tired during the raid and I'm much less chatty compared to my usual self.

I consider myself lucky that I have WoW as an option for a "getaway" or refuge. WoW lets me escape for a little while from my symptoms, my worries and my stress.

I love my circle of friends outside of WoW. But sometimes they don’t quite understand why I’m not as active with them as I once was. The Spoon Theory is an excellent way to explain to people how hard it can be just to go about your usual activities.

So when I can’t get out into the world, I look forward to chatting on Mumble with my guildmates, many of whom I consider good friends. I love the fact that they're so accessible, and if I just don't feel like going out with my friends to a bar, or a restaurant or a party, I always have the people in WoW to keep me company.




(Special thanks to Jasyla at Cannot Be Tamed, and Sara for proof-reading this for me!)

Dear SundayRaidKaleri

We need to talk.

This is your TuesdayRaid self writing to you, and I want to talk to you about Ragnaros.

I know Sundays are the last raid day of the week. Does that mean you should put forth less effort than your raids on Tuesday and Thursday? No! I'm sure you thought you were playing to the best of your abilities, but it certainly seemed like you were less aware of the bad shit on the ground than usual.



For instance, attempt 3 on Ragnaros this is how you died:

Not good. Why on earth were you anywhere NEAR Engulfing Flames? Did you just not see the edge underneath other graphics? Was there too much going on? Food for thought. Watch out next time.

Attempt 6:

What is this I don't even. Watch your feet, seriously. (And stay away from the crap on the ground AFTER the hammer drops.)

Attempt 8:

This is where we group up right on the lip on the platform. You weren't close enough to the edge, and so you got smoked. Don't do this ok?

Attempt 12:

I remember this one. See that absorb? You tried to bubble yourself and RUN ACROSS THE SHIT. Don't do that again.

And for good measure, attempt 15:

More being hit by the hammer. Solution? Just move forward a little more!

 


Over all 18 attempts, you ate 4 lava waves. In the middle of the pack in the raid, but still - not good.

Was it all bad? No, not all of it.
We were without our usual healing roster, so we five-healed with relatively little difficulty. I know you missed the druid HoTs on your tanks but it wasn't so bad.

A mid-raid respec and changing of trinkets was a good idea, keep looking for new ways to try things.

You pre-potted on 15 attempts out of 18!
You cast Barrier at the appropriate time, in the right location!
Great use of Power Infusion (on dps and yourself!); could use a little more Pain Suppression though.


Some tips for you from Walks:

Final thoughts to you from your Tuesday self; just because it's the end of a raid week doesn't mean you should give any less of a damn than you do at the start of a raid week. You're trying to progress on Ragnaros! Get excited and get into the game - like those Majordomo attempts (and subsequent kills).

Keep watching your Power Auras, your timers and your surroundings and you'll do great!

(Oh, and watch your damn feet!)

In which twenty-five men and women raid an instance... and succeed!

There you have it! Magmaw, Omnomnomotron Council and Half-ass Wyrmbreaker dead!

Apotheosis went into our first official 25 man on Tuesday. We hit Magmaw first, since most of the people in the raid had seen him on the 10 man version earlier. A couple tries let the unfamiliar people see Pillar of Flame and that it is bad to stand in. We finally had a good system for chains, and the priests set up a miraculous Hymn of Hope rotation to save our sanity. It didn't take too long to get it right, and eventually the worm bit the dust!

We moved on to the Trons and got a good amount of attempts in (37%!) before we had to call it for the night.

Thursday evening had us heading back to the Trons, and it went pretty smoothly, aside from the fact that we had 5-6 people alive at the end. But we got it!

We went over to Bastion of Twilight and hoooooo boy, was that interesting. The trash in there is an experience in itself! It took us about 45 minutes to get through that first section of trash before Halfus. I'm pretty sure most of the people had not seen that fight in real time yet, either. A few had seen it on 10man and some on the Beta but not like the Magmaw attempts.

After some attempts trying to get the three drakes straight we took a small break (at 11:30pm wtf?!), and were back at it to get him down before raid's end (midnight). We were SO close once. He enraged at 6 minutes, with 30% health left. Oh lawd. But! Combined with the stun that happens to the boss, and healer/pally cooldowns (I totally LifeGripped a tank away from the boss), he was down to 4% before we all bit the bust.

We can do it! It's just after midnight, and everyone is pressing for one more attempt! So we charge back in to kill him! Much smoother than the last attempt, we get him down to 15% before the enrage hits. Everyone is dpsing. I'm smiting, DoTing, my Shadowfiend comes back up and we're all givin' er! Finally! Finallllly! The boss drops after several tense minutes of "omgomgomgomg die die die alreadddddyyyyy!!!".

Very satisfying!

Heroics...Raids...Reputation... and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!

First, Merry Christmas (Eve) to everyone! I hope your holidays are happy, healthy and filled with family (or, if family isn't your cup of tea, may you only see they for a day and not two weeks in a row).
I'm finally home for Christmas this year after being away for two years!

Let's get to it.

It's two and a half weeks since Cataclysm was released and where am I? In a pretty good position! I cracked exalted on my first target faction for a new belt (thank you Hyjal) and I'm six thousand rep out from my epic shoulder enchants. I'm burning through heroics and participated in my first Cataclysm raid (10man version), and Apotheosis has now killed Argaloth (in Tol Barad) and Magmaw!

My first heroic was Stonecore on December 14th. Holy crap, was I afraid. Luckily I'd gone in there with my boyfriend who acted as my support system when I was screaming at/swearing at the computer.  (Maybe not so lucky for him...). We entered the dungeon through the random queue and discovered that we were right at the first boss. Great, no trash to deal with.

What I didn't know was that the tank had just spent time explaining the fight to the last healer and ranged dps who apparently failed spectacularly. So I drink my elixirs, get my food buff and ask for a few tips (run out of pink spikes, avoid burrow, live through adds, heal) and we get started.

WOW. I was not expecting so much group damage, and eventually I got smacked in the face by the burrow ability because I was too busy gawking at my EMPTY mana bar and wondering how to heal 5 people from 20%. I apologized and got the old "dot dot dot" from the tank. The boomkin in the group stood up for me, saying I was probably watching the health bars and freaking out (excellent observation Mr.Kin).
The tank tells me, and I quote, healing is hard now. Really? No shit, I replied. Yes shit, my main is a resto druid. Good for you. Why aren't you healing this run then? Oh right. You're tanking. Shut the hell up and do your job while I do mine.
I get another "dot dot dot" from him so I pulled up my socks and told him I was ready when he asked.

The second time was much better!  We killed Corobus and made our way to the second boss and at some point the asshole tank left and we got a great Prot Paladin who didn't rush through pulls like a maniac.

There are some rock guys on the way to Slabhide that have this "Quake" ability. This ability hurts. And apparently there is a way to avoid it; you jump! I'm not kidding either. The melee dps told us that if you jump while he casts Quake you avoid the damage altogether.

We killed Slabhide on the first try thanks to the moonkin's great explanation. Really cool mechanics on that fight, very enjoyable!

We blew through trash on the way to Ozruk, and I remembered someone in guild saying something about how it would be a painful fight until the dps/healers realized they needed to DoT themselves to remove the paralyze debuff. So another explanation of the fight, and we killed him in two shots! More cool mechanics, I loved it.

The last boss in Stonecore is High Priestess Azil. She drops void zones, summons adds, lifts and drops your tank (interuptable!), and drops boulders on your head if you don't watch. Excellent. The adds hit hard on a cloth wearer, and it took us a few tries to get it right, but you can run the adds through the void zones to help kill the adds and shrink the bad shit on the ground. Eventually Azil died and I completed my first heroic of Cataclysm! With 3/5 being PuGs no less. I felt pretty good.

Since then I've completed every heroic dungeon save Blackrock Caverns, Grim Batol and Vortex Pinnacle.

I participated in my first Cataclysm raid on the 21st. This was designed to be an exploratory raid to check out various dungeons and get some experience with the bosses. Ten of us suited up and went to Tol Barad to kill Argaloth (who is a lot like Brutallus, but less of a badass). We ended up one-shotting him for a Guild Run achievement and we moved on to Blackwing Descent to kill Magmaw.

Well, it didn't go as smoothly as Argaloth. The ranged groups have to avoid this pillar of flame thing on the ground that will spawn parasites and infect anyone caught by it and cause them to spawn more parasites. I personally got hit a few times, but after seeing it I managed not to get hit after that. There were others who got hit more than I did. We had to worry about the chains to hold the boss down, and there's a pretty nasty debuff that goes on the tanks.
So I used my cooldowns; I dropped Barrier a LOT, I used Pain Suppression on the tank with Mangle, I used Power Infusion on myself, I managed my mana, used fiend if I needed and hymned.

After various attempts, I was asked to sit out to give another healer a chance to get some experience. And they ended up killing Magmaw. I was pretty upset, but I said my congratulations and listened in while they goofed off with the Omnitron boss-council thing.

I don't get replaced. I'm not used to it. I'm not the healer that gets dropped. Especially when I know I'm not having issues with fight mechanics. I got reassurance from my guild leader later on (after which I felt like a child needing to be pat on the back, derp) that it wasn't me being a shitty healer, it was just part of getting another healer more experience with a fight that we'll all see on 25man. Also, if I was sitting you're damn right I would want in, so I appreciate that she paid attention to those who were benched for the time being.

In the end, this is just part of playing with a big group of people. There are other people who are consistent, dependable, good players and we have a pretty full healing core in Apotheosis. I'm just going to have to get used to swapping out, and get used to not taking it personally because I know I'm doing a good job.

I'm really excited about hitting up some 25man raids soon and even more excited because that means more healer spots to fill rather than taking 3 healers with one person having the guaranteed spot. I'm also really excited to be healing with this group of healers. For the most part we're very good, and I can't wait to see how we mesh as a team in the future!

Merry Christmas!

A New Home and First Impressions

You're forewarned, this is a longer post and it's pretty rambly.

Kaleri has a new home.

After some thinking/soulsearching, I finally applied to Apotheosis. The application itself went well, I'm good at articulating my thoughts on paper and giving thorough answers. There were a million questions on it from another priest in the guild and I can't say I was expecting that, but I feel I answered the questions well too.

After the application was an interview on Mumble. This went well too! New voices, mostly women (unheard of!), asked me some more questions and I felt really at ease, but still nervous.
Near the end of the interview, my friend and now new GM asked me to transfer over ASAP!

I sent a PM on Premonition's forums to a few people I cared about (not many, considering the cut-throat atmosphere there), and put some money on my credit card, settled my Windrunner affairs and moved Kaleri for a second time.

Poor Premonition. The reason I left was because the guild master and raid leader (who are a couple) are quitting the game. They've found some wonderful real life opportunities and simply don't have time anymore. So, I decided to pack up my bags because I didn't think the guild would last very long once they made an announcement. I was sort of right. A guild member who had transferred 4 of his characters and faction changed them wasn't very happy. He stirred the pot on the forums and there was a meltdown. As far as I know, Premonition will be a 10man guild, or they will die. It's unfortunate, but what can you do?

Yesterday was my first official raid with Apotheosis. Oof. They saved a lockout from a week before with only the Lich King left. We got it, but man, did it hurt getting there.

The thing to realize about Apoth is that they haven't been together long for WotLK. This group raided some in Pre-BC and raided together throughout BC, killing Illidan. WotLK saw them splinter apart until just recently. Kurn (or as I know her best, Madrana) took up the task of reuniting this group of people to raid in Cataclysm.
A lot of this group hasn't been playing steadily through Wrath. Some are coming back from long breaks. Some are or were casual players. Some people have Kingslayer. Three people (that I know of) have the ICC Meta Drakes. Extreme variation in experience.

So when we brought the fight to the King himself, I think my expectations were too high. I knew of the differences in experience and I knew that they hadn't killed Arthas as a guild yet. I've been working on Heroic Lich King attempts for a long time, so I wasn't expecting a particularly rough night.

The DPS seemed low. There were (as I learned later) many inactive Meta Gems. Only a few people broke 10k dps.
The raid healing seemed lax in the beginning with lots of deaths to infest at first. I always feel infest deaths are my fault, but it's not a one person job. After a little bit of tinkering and discussion, the heals were much better, it was good!
Tanking was good, they had great communication and weren't too squishy ;).

Part of me being frustrated is the Rapture nerf. Discipline priests used to be able to blanket the raid with shields to clear infest AND maintain 100% mana if done properly. Now, multiple bubbles don't proc the mana return all at once. So here I was, bubbling the raid when I noticed that coming out of the p1 transition I had about 5k mana. What is this, I don't even... . Once I got the hang of it though, it wasn't so bad. I would pop Divine Hymn with a resto shaman's Tide totem. I popped my Shadowfiend every cooldown. I used the mana potions. It made a particularly boring fight (for me, as a disc priest) into something engaging and fun!

In the end, we killed Arthas, and got about 10-15 people their Kingslayer titles. Yay!
Afterward, 10 of us went to Ulduar to knock out the weekly and try our hand at Starcaller. I don't think that going in there with a bunch of inexperienced players was the best idea, so in the end, we called it because no one expected to be there long and it was late.

It hasn't all been difficult encounters and death by Arthas! This guild is much more social than Premo, so there's always someone to chat with. With the arrival of Deathwing coming along to kill people, I spent a lovely 8 hours in Wetlands with a few of the guild members and had a good time doing nothing with them.

I can already tell there will be some people I am going to butt heads with, there always are in any guild. I'm not sure how most of the guild regards me as a player yet, but there's plenty of time for that. New servers are scary places, especially when coming to a group like this where most people have known each other for a lonnnnng time.

Hooray rambly post! If you read this far, thanks for  wading though my babbling ;).

Back into the fray... of Ulduar

Last night, I skipped out on three hours worth of school assignment-time to come to a guildie's "Champion of Ulduar" run.

And you know, I wasn't expecting the run to be entirely clean but I did expect some level of competence when we got to the fights that people needed for their Champion title.

As it was, we had an early pull on Auriaya while trash was being pulled. A shadowpriest stood too close to the stairs that she walks up to and proximity pulled. Next, we had an overzealous fury warrior pull off the tank during frozen blows and then a holy priest who thought it would be a good idea to stand still. Mmmhmm.

So, I didn't get my title along with a few others who went. But it wasn't all a crapshoot!

We went to Algalon! I've never seen this guy and I wish I took a screenshot of how AWESOME it is during that fight. I honestly had no clue what was going on, I healed the raid, the tanks, jumped into black holes, generally ran around like a crazy person... and at the end, when we killed him, announced that I had no clue what just happened.
I got a few laughs ;)

Starcaller Kaler!!